Full-Grown-Kid

Why?

2010-03-03T00:22:00.003+08:00

If not for this blog, I might spiral into depression.
So I'm going to take this time to thank my blog,
for all crap it had to take from me for all this time.

I apologize as
I'm overwhelmed by the urge to complain about my loneliness

I'm so busy the past week
yet there's always time to miss you.
The pursuit of happiness begins with the first step.
Yet I find that I'm render helpless either by my incredibly small guts
or my magnitude of laziness.

Why can't I let go of you?
There's always a thousand other girls in the sea of fishes
But the truth is you got me hooked on you.
I truly am not sure of what to do.
I ask myself what would anyone do?
Die hard the person would chase the girl till the ends of the earth.
Would never take no for an answer,
would try his best to charm & romance her to her satisfaction
and till she falls in love with him in return.

Maybe I value her friendship as well,
putting myself in a situation whereby I can't go all-out.
So what now from here?
Slowly get close to her?
I feel there's a mental barrier to overcome
before I would ever find love & happiness.

I pray for a productive holiday.
I pray for her good health.
I pray for the strength to keep my loneliness at bay.
I pray for someone whom I'm head-over heels in love with
and that she loves me back.
I pray for the will
to either figure out some way to be together with her
or let her go.

Love is such a tormenting feeling
but its better to have loved
then to never loved at all.

Daydreaming about you always.

Family.

2010-02-20T23:27:00.002+08:00

World of a difference.
went for Jess's preparty celeb
was pretty fun.
heard her family problems,
felt fortunate & lucky
that my siblings are not as messed up.

right after the party,
left for Charlene's house warming party.
I felt jealous.
So many relatives, cousins, nephews.
Ang paos aside,
I felt that warmth that a family should have.
oddly, the pain in the butt of lil' couz intruding
gave me a feeling I've never felt before
*(it was a good feeling!)

it was a fun weekend
slightly regret not leaving Charlene's place earlier.
got a reality check from Darren about priorities
which I forgot in the mists of enjoying myself.
Thankful for that.

Only have 1 day left
to study for the seemingly impossible task of!
getting at least a B for bio-chem. ROAR!~

TTFN. =)

Lost in Emotion

2010-02-06T02:05:00.002+08:00

I don't know why its inappropriate.
It should be inappropriate.
But my head warned me its not.

All I wanted to say was.
You look very pretty today.
And extremely sexy with a skirt.
So much so I ADMIT that I couldn't resist peeping at you.

It not possible but yet.
Feels like I'm falling in love with the same person over again.
I know you only want a friend.
Its difficult to establish the neutrality of friends.
When you look so attractive.

I want to tell you how pretty you are.
Many a time till you have to staple my lips.
How a weak man I'm.
Can't control this feeling.

For 2hours I was holding this in.
'Hey, nice skirt. It looks good on you.' (neutral version)
'Hey you look very sexy with that skirt & shirt.
Really appreciate you lending this creepy weirdo guy
your lovely warm jacket.
And a helping hand whether I asked or not.
It means a lot to me. Thank you so much. (original version)

Alright, I've got part of it off my chest.
Good night.

Somethings can't be changed.

2010-01-30T02:16:00.002+08:00

Recently I've been having reoccurring nightmares
from my childhood & even new ones too.
Brilliant as I'm back to sleeping late.
Ironic as when I'm dreaming,
I refuse to wake (seeking comfort in dreams) from reality
Now once AGAIN, I find myself facing this same absurd situation,
refusing to sleep in fears of the horrid nightmare that awaits.

I dead-beat exhausted myself with hard skating last Thursday,
still couldn't sleep till almost 5.
Only thing that help temporary sood the situation was GLEE!
Simply wonderful.

No more. I cannot follow wad my heart says about girls anymore.
otherwise I'll end up heartbroken.
Sigh~
She is pretty and of such a irresistible spirit in character.

Seriously, what's left of my genius still shows.
Another irony is spawned.
I doubt myself when I'm correct and certain
as I'm open to the possibility that my logic is flawed.
This feeling is insulting as I feel that others
just simply incapable to figuring out what's right under their noses.
However! I know my arrogance is beyond bonds,
thus my need to humble myself undermines my brilliance.

Certain issues I deemed resolved are resurfacing.
Have to re figure out what's the solutions again

Today bum into her during duty, feels odd having her around.
there's definitely some uncleared air between us.
That's how Victor treats people he likes, with awkwardness & ignorance.
Sigh.
I can't help thinking, that.
On some weird level, that we would have been great friends.
Speaking of friends, at times I get very depressed over this.
Unsteady friends, friends who keep me from expanding,
friends holding me back, I lack friends who got my back.
Because those I have are too busy literally wining about their own problems,
wining about being alone or simply has a stagnant attitude.
Unbelievable.
When I just drop everything & leave,
then they start saying I'm selfish,
I'm a lousy listening ear.

I still have this habit of not saying no,
of always giving in,
always getting taken advantage of,
stepped on,
bummer cause as much as I can beat myself up about it.
That defines Victor,
the cushion you fall back on,
the arm you lean on when you feel lonely,
accompanies you on demand,
the guy who goes the extra mile just to be taken for granted.
What a softie!
No one cares about what I want.
Its my own fault for being to flexible with what I want.
Its so much easier to advise my friends to be assertive.

Guess I'm still living my life for others.

Enough complains.
My aim is to do everything to better suit & profit for my family.

Feeling the weight.

2010-01-16T00:42:00.002+08:00

These couple of days was quite intense (school wise)

I'm failing, not just grade-wise but also as becoming an adult.

I've grown to discover that I'm unable to handle responsibility well.

That is terrible to know now that I'll be going into business soon.

On a positive light, I've a breakthrough.

It turns out that I should always listen to myself & my own advice.

Skating I've finally discovered why I can never parallel properly,

now it seems like I've 'mastered' parallel.

All this time I've been actually skating with loose skates,

its no wonder everything was a struggle.

But! Determination have triumphed is a peculiar way.

I must remove all distractions, especially games & entertainment.

I so don't want to grow up,

in less than a month I forfeit my teenage hood.

I've to take on full responsibility soon, SUCKS!

Change, I guess its time.

For those who are reading this and are below 21,

do yourself a favor & enjoy your youth.

(Hahah I sound like I'm a 10000 years old.)

Time to change into the stereotype that is an adult.

Signing off.

Knowing.

2010-01-03T15:44:00.002+08:00

Need a place to run,

need a place to hide,

need a place where no one can find me,

need a place where no one can reach me,

need a place to rest away from this world,

need a place where there's no expectations,

a place where I'm alone.

Despite always having company,

I feel alone.

I just need a break,

maybe just one whole day,

No parents, siblings, problems,

responsibilities, obligations,

no PC, TV, mp3, cellphone.

just a mirror in a room with no walls,

to figure out who is Victor Loone.

What does he want to make out of his life on earth?

For he does not want to follow any one's expectations,

doesn't want to become another clone of society,

What's wrong with wanting a simple life?

Why do I need to be ambitious?

Yes I'm always up for something new,

so does that make me a hypocrite?

Life is hard, you won't get what you want.

Going with the flow does not cut it anymore.

I've to fight everyone, beat all my competitions.

Sore above the rest!

But all this is meaningless to me.

Doesn't add real value in my life.

So what is of real value to me?

ARGH!

2009-12-29T01:24:00.002+08:00

Don't understand this resentment.

Feel loath

Feel like I had a some what fun time.

Feel very upset now.

Feel like skating, sliding, burning WHEELS!

Feel like throwing that old skating pants away

Feel very tired, from senseless things done.

Yeah I need a girlfriend.

Stupid feeling, I was doing so well being busy.

That I forget her completely.

So stubborn,

letting go but still a thin threat tugging me.

I should pray for release,

Free me from affection

Free me from loath

Free me from you.

Will never understand the will of silence.

The continuity from heart-break

Suddenly feel that all this 'End of the world' stuff,

is becoming propagandic.

Gonna have to return to reality very soon.

Can't continue drifting in suspended animation.

Feeling the constant urge to shoot myself (if I had a gun)

Feel absolutely ridonculous as its not like I'm Atlas.

Having that shitty feeling in the pit of my stomach again.

Two ways:

1,Resume life to its fullest but live without a heart.

2.Lay in misery embracing the bitter side of love.

End of Emotional Depiction

XMAS!!!!

2009-12-23T01:21:00.002+08:00

Today I'm sick.

Fell physically sick (Not that mentally =X ).

On my sick day off still had to go work

But my student Shaun & Evan are so cute,

cheered me up =)

NON-STOP-HITS!

Not sure how to sum up what's been going on,

but this past few weeks.... BUSY!

Starting with CTs!

'Tried' to study for CTs but failed miserably

as there were SO MANY distractions.

Keep burnin' midnight oil,

last day of paper finally got some sleep.

Days after were such a blur...

In short:

WORK,MEET FRIENDS,PLAY,PARTEH!

Felt like yesterday I was taking my last paper.

I was talking to HL when I realised,

Whoa~ Past week...

Didn't even had time to charge my phone.

On that same day my mom injured her back,

God bless her.

Thank goodness I stop by home that day to change!

Brought her to the docs & back,

unfortunately had to miss Charmaine's party

(which I felt damn bad)

After I reach home, I passed out on my bed.

P.S.

Night before chiong boardgames with Matthew

(Amanda's boyfriend which btw is as friendly as her)

Left off at 6am, went to mac cause crave for apple PIE!

reach home by 8, woke at 10!! to go church..

Met friend to take my stuff, the fellow flying off.

Head home to change....

Brain not working now,

sentence structure all over the place..

Anyways whole point is so busy till I fell sick.

No regrets thou =)

Oh yeah!

I was presented today a business proposal,

to co-own a company that me & 2 friends were to establish.

One guy had all the connect & money,

so all I need to do is fork out my time & effort.

Profits is still spit evenly,

Cool eh?

However I've no business sense or know anything about it.

Its a hella good opportunity but I'm already juggling study & work

(Very badly I might add).

So confused.... Very tired... Brain damaged...

Can't recall what I wanted to blog about...

END.

Misery needs company

2009-12-16T01:38:00.003+08:00

Studying right now..

Almost done..

Last parts not going in..

Last parts most important..

(According to Jeb)

Looking at your handwriting..

Thinking about you a lot all day..

Missing you crazy..

Keep thinking how to confess..

Knowing that you only want my friendship..

Need to bury my feelings..

Wondering why I'm head-over heels for you..

I may not have your heart

but I still want your friendship..

I'm such a fool for love..

Gotta find someone to accompany my loneliness..

Gotta find someone to grow up together with..

Gotta find someone to lean on when I am down..

Gotta find someone to hug when I'm happy..

Gotta find someone..

Space in my tummy..

Void in my chest..

Blank in my mind..

Hollow in my heart..

~Desperado..

Xmas is coming!

2009-12-14T23:28:00.003+08:00

Time flies. Period.

Never complain that anything takes too long

Time management revamp.

I've noticed for a long time that,

I don't have a life of my own.

Sure I'm busy with work, 'studies?', Going OUT, PLAYING.

But there's no direction.

Time after time meeting up with old friends,

One after the other telling me stories of their FAB-lifestyle.

Gets me thinking, sometimes regretting.

*However, most of their lifestyles are funded by their parents!

Who am I to say they got no backbone of independence

as they spend their money well,

suited situation where they don't over spend (Unlike some people)

Jealous as much? Hahas

I have the urge to join the next Stand-Chart.

Part of my NAFA/BMT achievement plan!

There it is.

IS next semester - Fitness Elective

Gym - back to old routine

Skate - Long (as in LONG) distance skating

*cross country skate-athon.

(*If time permits)

Swimming - Get my LONG overdue lifeguard cert?

Fitness wake up call.

Quite some time back, went running with Charlie's Angels

I swear my stamina is NON-EXISTENT!

Was in shock & disbelieve at the result of a year out of action.

FYI Skating decreases stamina via disillusion of distance traveled.

Very Stoned Right Now.

Signing Off~

2009-12-07T01:58:00.002+08:00

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

(Bridge):
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

(Bridge)

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

(Bridge)

Rare Good Day

2009-12-05T22:52:00.002+08:00

Woke up early for work.
taught skating for the whole day,
earn about close to 100bucks. =))
Realised something,
teaching is rewarding.
To see the bright light from the eyes
of the eager young minds of tomorrow
up close and personal
is a rare thing of beauty.

Now gonna leave for standchart.
Right now G01 mates planning to camp @ mac,
while G02 peeps camping @ harris.
I feel bad as I wanna go to harris!
Drink, chat, lepak then go for standchart,
Lyka Dope~
But agreed is agreed.
Pray I won't regret this =/
Confused~!

LEAVING NOW~
P.S.
JYJY KOR!
MUST COMPLETE STANDCHART RUN!!
Hopefully can see you at the finish line =XX

Finally a breakthrough!

2009-12-05T02:05:00.002+08:00

G02 people are cool.
Gossip convinces me otherwise.

Unfortunately & frankly speaking
I feel really very uncomfortable most times
around my own classmates
(except for a some =))
Sad but the truth is
my class can be pretty messed up
As annoying & unembrasive as they are,
bottom line I love them anyway.
=)

eff me?

2009-12-02T23:45:00.003+08:00

Is it difficult to be my friend?
Am I too demanding?
Too a pain in the arse?
Too annoying that no one can stand my presents?
Do I invoke grotesque?
Why is it difficult for me to communicate with people
Am I not allowed to be myself?
Its OK if people hate my guts but
I want to know why.
Am I constantly giving wrong impressions?
Wrong signals? Wrong attitude?
Seems like everything I do brings about me getting scolded,
ticked at or given the cold shoulder.
I admit my character is fucked up.
Trying my best to polish my flaws.
Or perhaps I'm a victim of a biased opinion.
Around a decade spent on self repair,
yet scars & skeletons still haunt me.
Being accepted/normal is so difficult.

FYI I could have been normal
This is why I don't believe in fate,
fate fucked up my life.
I was only a innocent 7year old kid
Why was I not spared?
So heard this.
FUCK YOU Fate. =)
P.S. If you think you understand my situation,
pls tell me. I'll unbiasedly be the judge of that.
However sincerely,
unless you hit the jackpot twice in a row when you were a kid
Truthfully I doubt anyone can understand.

Still in repair.

I'mma dick, I'mma prick, I'mma hopeless slick

2009-11-30T07:07:00.003+08:00

Stubborn has people struggling against most odds.
Reflexive has people going with the easing with the flow.
How am I like a bendie straw but still I'm struggling baffles me.
Who am I to believe? That fate steers?
Every one's a master of their fate, captain of their own destiny.

My destiny tells me that its not good for me to be close to her
but my recent fate ain't going likewise.

Once again I find myself drowned with emotions.
Childish, uncontrollable, distracting emotions.

I find myself somewhere in a hard yet happy place/situation.
What I would do in a difficult or bad situation,
is to take that silver lining
and pull out the sun from behind the clouds.
But the 'light of my life' right now will burn me,
leaving me with more pain, more scars.
Pain I can handle, scars I care not
What I cannot handle are urges,
of working within such close proximities
yet knowing I am unallowed to be with you.

Not being allowed to care for you,
not having the chance to love you,
having to look into your silver lining eyes
having a small glimpse of all the good in life
and turning away from that short blissful moment,
eats the insides of a person's soul

How does one deal with that?

Cest Le vie.

WRONG AGAIN

2009-11-24T09:02:00.003+08:00

Just when I thought I came to school on time.
Mr Saiful class is at 10 and here I'm like a kuku bird @ atrium at 8plus
Just saw Des & Henry, feel like attending their class.
Friggin bored & sleepy..
For the first time in weeks I've free time.
1 solid hour, FYI I haven't slept since 1.
Maybe I should go for breakfast, round 2.
Blehz

UP in this MUTAFARKER

2009-11-19T09:05:00.002+08:00

Chitra
---------
Childish
Hateful
Irritating
Taunting
Retarded
Asshole

UP YOURS BIATCH.

P.S. Still think about you A LOT. Miss you so very much right now.

EXPLOSION!

2009-11-12T00:48:00.003+08:00

Studying for biochem quiz.
Suddenly..
Surprised and overwhelmed
By how much I missed you
and how much I missed thinking about you.
Urgh.
*Sighs~
='(

P.S. I'm hungry & there's no food at home.

Left, right, centre! (LRC)

2009-10-29T20:01:00.002+08:00

nb, tio gan by chitra LRC!
this Lester disturb also I kenna, nb,
fine, cuz it was funny anyways.

Today at first gank blurr,
but after lunch really totally BLURR!
STONE! Mind BLANK!
Prac listen till zone out.
heng somewhat understand.

My left side of my body feels odd.
Feels weak, needs a lot of support from my right.
esp my arm, my body is a mess.

dono what's the plan for my skates,
if sell my FR I got no skates.
Wanted to get aggro BUT
(seriously don't wanna spend anymore money)
So unless got really good 2nd hand with around 200 I'll buy =)

oh yeah! sch started, ending of 2nd week so Much assignments piling up.
Its a good thing, keep my mind off her
but its a bad thing when I'm feeling lazy.

Gladys' bday! Happy Bday =)
Was very unhappy with some people,
people's birthday can like respect anot?
nb. you are invited, you come & just sit there.
seriously what the hell.
1 word for those disgusting people,
its called KARMA!

Feel like screwing greg chow over,
go join G02 every wed but.....
I'll miss the mingle with G01
& MOST imptly... miss seeing her =b
5h break + school Internet = buay dong.

Assignments awaiting submission:
IS - Research report on Chek Jawa
PPE - Catch bugs =D
CAD - Assignment 1
LSDP - Project 1, Sketches, Writeup,
LCPN - Isometric drawing
Biochem - Practical homework

Hmm, doesn't look that bad.... I think....
Signing off~

Fine.

2009-10-14T00:51:00.003+08:00

Holidays are drawing to a close. Thank goodness.
I'm wondering.. Am I chasing a lost cause?
What's next after skating? Need to change CCA!
Photography? Ice skating? Or maybe Martial Arts?
My time is still unwisely spent.
Am I really chasing ghosts?
I've decided once the holidays ends, I'll stop the chase.
Absolute bollocks to invest anymore time, effort & money into this.
I'll be a good boy, listen and do what I'm suppose to do.
Spent way over 50bucks on travel this holiday,
spent over 50bucks on lost causes.
Oh well... Just hope they feel good & are happy.
Glad be only 50bucks, if I had to pay out flat...
Probably amount to over $1500. Damn...
My blog is now either Emo or full of complains. Dreads~
Praying for change... Praying for change..
My motto now - speak less, do more! (More action, less talking)
Today learnt how to make cheese cake!
Hee omgosh wonder how's it gonna turn out, waiting....
School is starting.. Can save money =) Happy~
I'm someone who likes the idea of a relationship,
likes the feeling of listening to a good love song,
likes the feeling of being loved by another human being.
I'm a patient person, I forget that all the time.
Don't sweat the small stuff man~

Masks

2009-10-09T01:47:00.002+08:00

Masks, everyone has one.
Masks, I wore mine so long, it became apart of me.
Masks, Its time I remove mine, to let her see.
See the face beyond the mask. How ugly it is.
Again I'm blind,
OK.... I'm typing this and doing like a thousand things.
Fug x 1000000 to infinity.
I've got to be the dumbest POS in like the whole wide world.
I'm not thinking straight,
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste.

Chastity

2009-10-03T00:21:00.003+08:00

Good day.. Eat, swim, bbtea-ed..
Sun burnt! Catch up with couple of frenz.
As I was heading home, I realized this.
Practicing Chastity in modern day society is...
omfgwtf? Impossible.
Met a pleasing number of people since i stopped work.
The Jansens' (my godparents) the most down to earth,
virtuous people I've EVER met.
Thank god they are in my life. Dear god continue to bless them.
This world has gone crazy,
people running around with the least bit of temperance.
Modernization... Sigh...

ARGH! =)

2009-09-28T01:53:00.003+08:00

IDC! I HATE HATE HATE THIS.
I'M SOOOOO GONNA BEAT YOUR GPA COMING SEM!
EVEN WITH MY IMBA LOW GPA! NB!

Putting that aside, today's my dad's bday. Happy Bday Dad!
Ate at Manhattan Fish Market! Omgosh imba fish & chips.
Headed over to AMK hub dessert, after went to watch F1.
Super duper epic bad mood. Not gonna talk about it.

Work tml @ changi. Like Lovely.. Nights

@$(@^$(^@!!

2009-09-26T22:11:00.003+08:00

Got F1 passes! But...
I suddenly feel that..
Its meaningless without you.
Omg why?
Its a once a lifetime experience, yet..
Its not worth experiencing without you.
I'm such a ****tard.
I can't help feeling so low right now.
Feeling truly like an Emo kid.
IMU IMU IMU x100000000!

lalala~ (=

2009-09-25T01:07:00.003+08:00

Was suppose to go work today.
Too tired, sore and weak to get up.
Very faint today but I was over the MOON.
Like two peas in a pot we got along. (I hope!)
Smiles around, ran back home from mrt.
I feel like a person again, I feel normal.
Felt like the shortest 4hours, more like 4minutes!
k have to go slp~
Good Night Singapore!
And Extra Special Good Night to that someone,
Sweet Dreams too. =))

2009-09-19T01:39:00.002+08:00

FML FML FML! SHITTY GRADES PULL DOWN MY GPA!
EVERYONE IS DOING A LOT BETTER THEN ME.
MY LIFE IS AMOUNTING TO NOTHING, FML
WHY CAN'T I WAKE MY FUCKING IDEA?
PERHAPS MY BROTHER IS RIGHT, I AMOUNT TO NOTHING.
IF I'M LEAST BIT INTELLIGENT, ITS NOT PROVEN.
MY ACADEMICS CUI ALL THE WAY, ALL MY LIFE.
IT MEANS NOTHING IF I'M BETTER AT OTHER THINGS
WHEN ITS NOT PROVEN IN PAPER. FUCK.
NOTHING SEEMS TO CHEER ME UP. I WANT TO PROVE MYSELF.
A PACT, LONG BEFORE THAT I'LL NEVER BE HAPPY TILL I WAKE UP.
I'LL STRUGGLE IF NEED BE, SHAVE MYSELF OF THIS BLACK WOOL.

................

Past

2009-09-17T03:04:00.002+08:00

I look at past photos of myself, same guy different style.
I realised not much of me has changed, after so long.
Met glen for supper, felt weird.
His way of thinking is like everyone else now, all business-minded.
Weird. When I was in pri & sec sch I was business-minded,
Everyone was play. Now I'm all for play and everyone is business-minded.
My life has certainly a way of throwing me a curve ball.
I need to start reverting back to the old business-minded me.
Blah Blah BORING Business!

Thinking back, I realised...
WHOA! Never had a childhood.
Not that I could clearly recall.

Few distinct things I remembered.
(Before primary sch)
Joining the neighborhood gangster kids,
running around reeking havoc and mayhem everyday.

(During primary sch)
Got scolded by an uncle for selling snacks in sch.
(small supply business.
lol, was earning 10x more than my pocket money.)

Bullying kids from both the primary schs I went,
got canned for the first time in primary 1.
First real fist fight primary 2.
Realised bullying was wrong in primary 3.
Quiet down a lot after shifting to Bishan.
(Sec sch)
Got bullied for the first time sec 1.
(Shall not spill stuff from sec sch cuz really becomes boring.)
Well that's the past anyway.

Looking forwards~

Its 4am. Still thinking about you...
Was thinking about a lot of stuff, plenty of pretenses or what ifs.
Tired... Neighbor's dog is barking mad..
Must be got presents wondering around this floor.
That sucks. Now I feel even more alone! Hold me!

Loggin off quick. Hope nothing happeneds.

Nerdy Girl.

2009-09-15T01:19:00.002+08:00

I find myself lost. Am I being an idiot?
I'm crazy for a nerd.
I can't help think, maybe its a turn on.
But I've suffered.
My ex was a nerd, really gave me a smack.
Most nerds are insensitive or maybe people in general.
So am I carelessly sticking my head out?
But that's love isn't it? About risks.
I recall a lesson about dating 'guai kias'.
Lesson being that they are secretly unstable.
Inside their nerdy exterior lies something dangerous.
perhaps I'm thinking too much.
Time and time again proves this to be a fact.
Though not 100%, but its a fairly large majority.
Hopefully she's the exception =)
My dear nerdy girl. =DD

Tired.

2009-09-10T04:12:00.000+08:00

I thought.

I thought and deceived myself into believing I'll be alright.

I manage to deceive myself till now, truth is.

No school means no opportunity to see you.

I was in denial, if I didn't see you I'll be alright.

Comes to a breaking point & its not alright,

I feel myself busy these past 2 weeks,

but without fail I'll dream of you.

Instinctively, I feel that I'm drifting away.

Away from you, I find myself drown in doubt.

Waiting foolishly for an opening,

waiting patiently to no avail.

I admit, I'm an emotional person.

I'm terribly over dramatic.

Some days, its passes better then others.

My perception of reality is shifting.

My original reason for not working this hols,

has became meaningless. Self-deception.

She's right, I'm a fool who keeps on lying to myself.

Why? Why am I such an idiot,

why is it I always feel so small.

I'm blessed with such good frens,

frens who make me feel like I'm the king of the world.

Yet I end up sucked back into this bubble of self-deceit.

Its like the dream, dream of swimming.

where I am free as a bird.

floating and flying through the water,

gliding through the water with easiest of ease.

suddenly like a bubble, doesn't pop but

forms and appears without my visual notice.

over the surface of the water, trapping me.

preventing me to take a breathe,

preventing me from enjoying my life.

My life is most blessed.

Parents and family members who love me,

Good frens who enjoy my company,

Best frens who makes the world of me.

Its a struggle, everyday

To dig myself out of the bottomless pit of quicksand.

I guess god puts everyone where we belong,

I wish for a change in location.

At the same time I know deep down,

If I had the easier life my existence is meaningless.

Struggle is my meaning or perhaps it has become apart of me.

Like a seagull trapped under the invisible water surface,

Fighting for dear life.

Scratching out edges, ways, corners, cracks in the surface,

desperate to break free,

Desperate to hale that vital breathe.

To breathe life, back into his crumbling lungs.

Taking the sip of water into his dusting mouth.

Ultimately, I find myself writing meaningless jabber.

Guess that's love.

Everything you build, turning to dust.

For the foundation, structure of meaning, has been purged.

Leaving it to crumble upon its husk of existence.

Everyday.

Each day that I manage to fool myself into not thinking of you,

each time that I manage to enjoy myself without thinking of you,

Each second I'm free from your memory,

I'm hollow. For deep down I cannot escape the fact,

that you're my life.

Damn~ Its 5am.

And I'm far from done,

trying to squeeze every em
otional attachment out.
My poor blog, is like a cat's scratch post.

A dog's chewy toy. But what else can I do?

I can't be bugging my frens all the time about MY problem.

I can't share with my family because of the promise.

I can't drown myself in alcohol, its getting costly.

Plus its getting decreasingly ineffective.

Its so simple, but the emotional issue is so complicated

Dilemma being if I go through with it,

Best result and worse result will ultimately equal to still misery.

Rejection would amount to meaning of life, ceasing to exist.

Acceptance might amount to everlasting struggle, to keep it together.

That's absurd.

Undoubtedly with her by my side,

I would enjoy a bliss beyond my comprehension.

In the mean time, I struggle not to be the husk of a zombie of a body.

Doing meaningless things.

Things that are productive, but ultimately meaningless.

Banging my head against the wall, stuck between the cracks of reality,

To wish away all these feelings is to wish away my own existence.

For with it, I can feel.

But the price I've to pay is the bittersweet irony of feeling.

Which means its joys and its sorrows.

Still I cannot handle it alone, no matter how strong I am.

I don't know what to ask of God. Truly almighty he is.

Able to create love,

with a shell-like simplicity and a core of unsolvable riddles.

Perhaps I'm crazy. Driving myself mad.

Deceiving myself in a maze so liberately formed,

with delusions of its complexity.

That's the love, or at least how I would describe it.

For the rest of time,

there never be a single, standardized definition of love.

Oh a lighter note, who says its difficult to thousand word write essays?

I'm already closing 800. =/

At least I feel better after venting

unfortunately if i vent every night, my blog will totally become emo.

Its already almost there. After reading my own crap,

my digity and independence becomes scrap.

Stupid game of love,

Can't be too straight forward

(mind scare her away or cause disinterest in the simplicity of the approach)

I'm true shocked at how terrible my English is,

I've to been looking for words as I can't spell them.

There's so many words I wish to use in that's in my head,

so frustrating!

I'm hungry, its now 6am. Good morning Singapore.

P.S. Two reasons why its easy for guys to approach girls.
1 is being the guys has no feelings for the girl,

as fear keeps me from making my move.

2 is the guy is forced. Be it external or internal influences.

I need to force myself to make that move,

violating the nature of my being.

Always thinking too much.................................

Holidays!

2009-09-06T01:21:00.002+08:00

Like a thousand things happened!

Pass few days was quite something

Realised I'm good at doing things that I'm not suppose to be doing.

Been indulging myself with food =)

Utmost enjoying the company of my classmates

Tended to the garden

Weeding can be very therapeutic

Realised recently that time is flying by very quickly

Rediscovered my lost love for sports (esp swimming)

Remembered why I gave them up

Today hit the track with the triathlete trio and their frens

omgosh like forgot all the rules of running, total failure!

End result ran 2 rounds only! Like wtc seriously.

Chilled and got some free food

omgosh who says this world don't have free meal =)

Kenna sun burnt after swimming

As expected, breathe capacity rock bottomed.

can't hold 1 min, so disappointed! ha ha!

went for ice cream at Gelato art, Brownies and pink grapefruit ice cream!

Not kidding when I say, the ice cream tasted like Gatorade!

AND THAT'S WICKED AWESOME! ULTIMATUM!

MY TWO FAVORITE THINGS - Sports drinks (flavor) & ICE CREAM!

Feeling wicked awesome from exhaustion & ice cream

bus-ed home, totally slipped my mind had dinner with my relatives!

dropped everything, didn't change didn't shower didn't nothing,

free fall into dreamland! =D

was suddenly awoken ed my little feet stomping on me,

its my baby nephew jumping on me!

He got so freaked when I woke up,

he jumped back onto his mom!(my couz) ha has!

Epic adorable! Cheeky face, cheeky smile! Intelligent lit' kid of 2 years age.

2 years flew by just like that!

Its wasn't long ago when I first saw him in Mount Alvernia.

Gees! went down and was greeted by what seems like an eternity,

the image of my relatives all together,

even on CNY there weren't that many familar faces.

my couz (3rd aunts') came back from US visiting, many do they look old.

one had a bald patch on his head at my 1st bro's age, HAHA!

Pretty cool talking to them, its a shame they had to leave so early

(I woke at 10, they left 30mins after.)

I thank god. for frens who accept me, for my dysfunction family =)

Truly grateful for life =)) I love you guys truly.

Miss that girl, hope she's having a blast in camp.

In the mists of enjoy my great life while it lasts

had an epiphany of how lucky I'm

but despite my bliss, I need to grab hold.

there's still something strange about my personality.

I need remind myself, this is the time to figure it out.

But still hope I could work with frens who offered me jobs,

I bet its gonna be a blast =)

P.S. Gonna learn & teach photography =)

Must rmb to send the my beloved classmates off to the airport!

Gonna be sad & miss them! Must enjoy their company now! =D

Thank God again for his blessings!

Need a moment to reflect on myself...

Confused

2009-09-01T00:36:00.004+08:00

Please not be that sorta girl. Please!

I'm confused, mixed signals, mixed thoughts.

outsiders putting ideas into my head,

best fren pointed out some things that i didn't realise.

finding myself in a defensive position,

but i know i still need you, for u are the one.

the one that i think of most when stress,

when i feel weakest, i look for you image for strength.

feels very neutral when I'm under no stress.

wad does this mean?! I don't like you when I'm stress-free?

everyone surely desires independence,

yet ironically they equally desire companionship.

perhaps this be the case.

Uncertainty comes from knowing you are a independent & strong women.

I've seen Independence striped down by being in a relationship.

Most certainly don't want to see that happen to you.

Maybe I'm over thinking again. Its actually up to you to decide.

Why do I have the feeling I'm gonna chicken out..

Blah! Why am I so shy & fearful of rejection.

Still waiting for the right time...

In the mean time keep praying..

Dazed & Confused.

2009-08-23T14:44:00.000+08:00

Blogger is acting up again.

Once again I'm stuck thinking of stupidest things!

Saw a photo of my ex, I've made no mistake.

Still the most gorgous babe I've ever laid eyes on.

Now I'm stuck, thinking of two ppl.

Soil science paper is tml, can't focus.

Life is about making the right decisions.

Wonder if a plentiful lot of things.

What if I went back with her again?

I would be a contented man.

I only ask to have my one and only.

I'm a simple man & my only desire is to find my soulmate.

For one who wonders alone too long gets lost in his own shadow.

Keeping a clear path upon riding a storm, I lack such focus.

For he, the bitterman walks gracefully with chaos of mind.

Wonder does how his stride is maintained,

for clouded is the steps of his mind.

Heck but I miss you two very badly now. Shoot.

Enough

2009-08-16T03:15:00.003+08:00

My life is a shit mess.

Can't gather my head together

When I do, my shit falls apart

Thank god for the good frens I made

But there are some really bastard frens

Backstab me in such fashion, pathetic.

To the people I let down & disappointed,

I'm unable to express how sorry I am.

This sem, no. Past few years I'm a walking mess.

What I assume was 'getting my shit together' doesn't cut it.

Sick and tired of my own excuses,

How is it one loses control of their own body and life?

I pray for change, to be able to change.

Change for this special person,

who has been taunting me.

Through night and day, driving me crazy thinking.

I promised myself not to date,

Broken my promise to my mom a few times over.

I'm a failure as a son. Disgusted.

This girl resembles my sister, kind of creeping me out.

There are a TON of things I want to blame push the blame,

but I need to be responsible. However..

This outstanding situation even my best frens agreed,

Totally not my fault, falling for her through such despicable means.

But I think its my fault, for being a softie & a nice person.

I give way to you, why is there a need to still step on my head?

Do you know how ugly you look by doing so?

People pity you, feel sorry for you, have some pride but instead..

You ate it all up, like the loser you are. Please prove me wrong.

All that I wrote, I hope its all wrong.

A misunderstanding of some sort.

I truly want everyone to be better beings.

Need to reconnect with reality, with the world.

See the light of which my own, be stable and steadfast.

Comic relief for life's ever changing mistakes, laughed into the echoes.

Takes strength of will to tell someone off,

I pray that people will tell me off.

For I'm thick headedly retarded.

I still need to make the final decision.

This decision will cost me my frens, my classmates & most of all.. You.

Unsure if I'm prepared to become public enemy number 1.

To be casted out and walk alone,

reality being I've been walking alone all this time.

Trying to convince myself its' a 'win-win' situation.

Fact is the odds are stacked against me,

regardless the number of trial scenarios I imagine.

Next I worry I rob you of your molded comfort zone,

Ok. Offically over thinking the situation!

All these mixed signals are throwing me off,

throwing someone as bodoh as me hints is asking for an headache.

I'm a simple person, with simple needs.

Right now just miss you like crazy.

Its now 4am, 3rd day I couldn't sleep.

Everytime I dream of you, there is an element of fear in it.

Now I'm stuck fearing my dreams, bittersweet feeling.

Hungry again, house running out of food again.

Running out of money to feed myself.

This whole post, I'll devote this one sentence.

I NEED TO STUDY! JL CONCENTRATE!

I SPENT A WHOLE DAY WITH YOU,

JUST SO YOU DON'T STUDY?! PIANG EH!

Ok that's more then 1 sentence.

Lester if you read this & say my blog emo.

Pot calling kettle black! =b

Listening to a love song,

when dreaming of her sends shivers up & down my spine.

Was watching the Gunners trash everton,

when I dug out the cushion from the sofa to hug.

Felt like you were there, sitting beside me,

permitting me to embrace you.

I need guidance, I need answers.

Every second suffering the dilemma of my final decision,

Shall I ask soon? Shall I wait?

Shall I give myself a chance at happiness?

Shall I spare myself from suffering?

Shall I forget about this whole thing?

Finished a gallon of milk & a loaf of bread, still can't think.

The dawn is breaking.. A new day is approaching..

Yet I sit, cold, alone & without answers.

I don't care, I'll say it.

I MISS YOU.

Englishman In New York

2009-08-13T03:14:00.002+08:00

I don't drink coffee I take tea my dear

I like my toast done on one side

And you can hear it in my accent when I talk

I'm an Englishman in New York

See me walking down Fifth Avenue

A walking cane here at my side

I take it everywhere I walk

I'm an Englishman in New York

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

I'm an Englishman in New York

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

I'm an Englishman in New York

If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said

Then he's the hero of the day

It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile

Be yourself no matter what they say

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

I'm an Englishman in New York

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

I'm an Englishman in New York

Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety

You could end up as the only one

Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society

At night a candle's brighter than the sun

Takes more than combat gear to make a man

Takes more than a license for a gun

Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can

A gentleman will walk but never run

If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said

Then he's the hero of the day

It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile

Be yourself no matter what they say

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

I'm an Englishman in New York

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

I'm an Englishman in New York

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flWP28y2cyw

One more before the exams.

2009-08-13T01:46:00.002+08:00

One super ultra long post before exams!

Its now 2am, nothing to do and suffering for insomnia.

Today went for PM practical, felt a bit weird.

Got Some Body give me cold shoulder, ignore me some more!

After which lunched with that somebody and gang,

went cold storage take photo.

Cold storage, literally! VERY COLD!

Take finish photos these people go shopping for food! Eat eat eat!

(And they call me the hungry one.. /= )

I noticed something, maybe I'm thinking too much.

But it makes me happy to think about it.

Fantasy into reality!~ Makes me smile =))

Interruption! Brandy jio me soccer betting,

unfortuately I don't have the cash to spare right now.

Buhh... hand itchy... How? If only I was rich like brandy! Muahahah!

Got me wondering, with a silver spoon up my ass..

How would I spend my money?

Any who

Two days back, manage to obtain some information that I've predicted correct.

Dickson's reaction was farniE!

I realised I've been a walking husk of a humanoid shell for too long a period.

In the bid to shield myself from the world, my friends took the toll for me.

For that, I shall add to my list of unforgivable deeds done in my life.

On a lighter note, I'm a sucker for jazz. I'll post my current favorite song!

Unbelievably listened to it like 50times? Still sounds Awesome.

I feel awake after being told off, hit on and most importantly.. appreciated =)

I pray to god I stay awake, I don't wish to transform into a zombie.

Zombies are UGLY!

Brandy reminded me that I won't see 1Go3 next sem.

Why you go do that?! Now I feel sad. =(( Will miss you guys!

Perhaps another camp during this hols? hahas omgosh too late =/

This is why..Humans are terrible being.

Complain during the camp but missed it terribly after its over =(

Its very late, I need to get some rest otherwise I cannot function for tml's practical test.

*Peace People~ = ))

Good day.

2009-08-11T00:08:00.002+08:00

I'm happy to say, today was a good day.

Haven't had a good day in quite sometime.

G02 people are very nice people.

I was mislead terribly into thinking they were bad people

No injury can spoil my good day! Thank god for a ton of things. =)

For making me feel like a normal person.

Thank you Ruth, YuTing, Hazel & Azmi.

You guys rock =)

Retiring to bed~~...

...

2009-08-06T00:09:00.000+08:00

Blogspot sucks!

Made a long post, auto saved but couldnt retrieve it!

SUCK!

Daydreaming about you...

2009-08-01T02:06:00.000+08:00

Uncle Kracker - Smile

You're better then the best

I'm lucky just to linger in your light

Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware

Nothing can compare to where you send me,

Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok

And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone

Somehow you come along

Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that

You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you

Cuz everytime that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB1UJsutvkc

New month

2009-08-01T00:45:00.000+08:00

New month! At least put in 1 post before I get busy.

Work due this mth

LSDF & SDPN

Spanish presentation & final oral test

After is exams. (Time to put away my skates )= )

Need to chop my thick hair. Need a suitable hairstyle!

Bro's birthday is next week, no ideas & no money.

Feel a bit sad.. No one likes me.

Went back to sec sch, omgosh lots has changed!

Ms Alsagoff is back! =DD

Had lunch & a good long chat with her, miss those good old days..ahh~

Sad part is so many teachers retired, bummer..

Dislike them when they were there, miss them when they are gone =(

Realised time changes everything. Treasure your time spend.

Lots & lots to say..Lazy type.

Toddin' off~...

Blog

2009-07-23T02:53:00.000+08:00

My blog needs improvement! Suggestions??

Need HELP! Anyone please help! TY! =)

First it looks too spacious!

Font of words too small, don't know how to change...

Post timing wrong

I wanna put games here! =)

New blogskin

Viewer count

Learn to upload stuff, Music, Vids, Photos, Linking youtube..

I want NPskate logo! LESTER!

How to change colour of post fonts?

Blog also needs more then 2 colours

Capital heading my words!

Its 4am, too tired to think of anymore!

Gooood.... MORNING!~

Control

2009-07-21T00:45:00.000+08:00

Control. Its a very powerful word yet used lightly.

Ability to control something or anything allows absolute power to the handler.

I, on the other hand have lost control of my life.

Focus, concentration, determination, hardworking.

2am, wad am I still doing awake!?

Sleeppp....

Left out, Misunderstood.

2009-07-17T00:30:00.000+08:00

Sometimes.... Just wanna *@$#%$*!@ them! Sometimes.....!!

Frens for over a year, yet still like that...
Share success together, share problems too!
Share secrets, believes but except (without a doubt) taste of women. hahahs..

Frens give & take, if one keeps giving.. That's no longer a fren but an enabler.

Anywho, on a lighter note...
Realised that I don't have contact of a LOT of ppl...
Oh right... Partly cause I lost my phone... =/
Troublesome but must be done, my precious frens cannot be lost!
I lost an ENTIRE generation of frens (primary sch)
Cause last time technology like KNS la! No ICQ, no msn, no handphone! FUG!

Today skating FUN! NO INJURIES!
Inline Hockey DAMN FUN!
First time play OWN the freshie hockey player =XX
Micro visit NP! Slide Show! =)
Pester my dear GLs teach me slalom, like FINALLY! He teach! =D
P.S. didn't know toe-toe back-cross high lvl move =)
Learning 180acid-toe! =)

Gonna slp~ Gd night Singapore!

Frank Sinatra

2009-07-15T01:53:00.000+08:00

Something Stupid -

I know I stand in line, until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance, I know that theres a chance
You wont be leaving with me

And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or twoAnd then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid
Like: I love you

I can see it in your eyes, that you despise the same old lies
You heard the night before
And though its just a line to you, for me its true
It never seemed so right before

I practice every day to find some clever lines to say
To make the meaning come through
But then I think Ill wait until the evening gets late
And Im alone with you

The time is right your perfume fills my head, the stars get red
And oh the nights so blue
And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid
Like: I love you(I love you, I love you,...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqWZoL_luxo

Thank God.

2009-07-15T01:16:00.000+08:00

This morning, I saw a mentally retarded person alight from the bus, I thank god I'm normal.
Well, I'm retarded (slow) most times but its ok =)

Today Mr Saiful release us early =) Bum into my ex-classmate, good to see her again.
Had lunch with together, her fren's kinda cute =D

Bus-ed down to Bukit Panjang courts to skate, feel good day.
Poor girl who Org the I/E skating get lousy responds. (Good thing I jio my buds join)
I got to sit beside her in photo =)
Today seriously everyone was friendly to me =DD
Even the arrogant skaters were friendly =)

Had a performance from Micro & Zenearth sliders, all the Gaylordness tricks demo-ed!
Regret a little didn't video down!
'Mastered' my acid!

Made new friends =)

Life has a way of putting things in order (rarely)
Thank God.

P.S. Lester my blog happy enough for ya?! Don't anti-emo me pls =)
You happy kid. You finally made contact! Congraz =)

Finishing my cold pot of rice & chicken, heading to slp
Pray I have a good day tml as well, no serious mode pls! =)

Holding my breathe unnecessarily, pray I shall not drown in seriousness..

New View

2009-07-14T00:50:00.000+08:00

Today in morgan's blog I'm made leader of gayhood brothers. WtC...
Remind myself not to jump to pasta que, FOREVER is the word!
Wonder..How I cannot get along with certain people..I want to talk to everyone!

Figuring out facebook, use so long still dono how to get about uploading photos.

Giving too much attention = neglect
Please don't neglect me!

Require new outlook
Require new hobbies
Require new frens

Stuck between Self-centeredness & selflessness

Master basic skating

Need to master basic spanish before wednesday! HELP!

Time disappears before my eyes upon sitting in front of PC!

Must rmb to take more random photos in sch!
Looking back at old photos regret not taking MORE! ROAR!~

Hungry.. 2am... no food... T.T~

Blank~

2009-07-13T00:57:00.000+08:00

Emo mode, can't find motivation in life.
In a blink of an eye, weekend is over.
1001 things to do but didn't get to them.

Ever had a nightmare you wish you could awake from?
Mine keeps on looping over and over again.
Each time I force myself awake, I slip back in.
Feels easier to put a bullet in my head.
State of suspended animation.

Need to pray for peace of mind, calm of heart.

Blogging is Counter Productive! xD

Tears & Rain

2009-07-12T03:02:00.000+08:00

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just Tears and Rain.

Tears and Rain.

Tears and Rain.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain,All pleasure's the same:
it just keeps me from trouble.It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9EVfMK7D0s&feature=related

Testing 1

2009-07-12T02:33:00.000+08:00

Testing 2

2009-07-12T01:40:00.000+08:00

Last night celebrate boss bday. Happy bday boss!
Time - 4am Sharil drop me off @ Thomson, act smart find shortcut.

Stuck @ Sin Ming til 5am in G** D*** morning! Walking alone in the dark!
(Heng~) Got my Baguette accompany me (Baguette -long hard loft of bread)

Asked a old Malay man walking by for directions, wanted to bust off running!
Under night light his face was lidded with a pale white shadow. OMG he's a ghost!
Suck in my nuts several times cuz during the journey,
I kept seening people in empty parked cars & lots of other shit.
Proud I made it out ALIVE! Doesn't matter actually, I was exhausted.
Those things bug me also I heck.

Following Day~
Went ECP skate park, DIDN'T GET TO DO ANYTHING!
CROWDED! RAINING! NO VERT, NO RAMP, NO NODDA!

Speed skate in rain FUN! Slippery feel of wet roads FUN!
(Lester fall xDD cannot laugh, his 1st wet weather urban)

~Hail Mary; ease her troubled mind. Amen.

2009-07-10T02:00:00.000+08:00

RIP Michael Jackson, Healer of the world.

2009-07-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

Today I seem to be behaving rather weird. =/

Skate~
Mistake Wendy for Jasmine omgosh sorry!
Successful fakie K slide! Happy!
Successfully unanchored my fastwheel =)
Not slowheel anymore!
Did floating budha (1leg glide)
Parallel straight =D
Masted how to fall xD
Mastered C-slide
Mastered soul slide carve in =)

Need to master~
Fastwheel!!!
The REAL K slide =)
Maybe acid-toe?
T-break on left leg
Epiphany~
Been skating for quite some time.. Should start learning higher lvl tricks =/

Gonna go broke, 180 (xb), 20 (npinline) AGAIN feel upset my ma had to pay my sch fees!

Few days back was MJ's memorial, I was thinking... Althou he's an entertainer, he's prob the greatest entertainer that changed history and moled the future as we know it.
2 songs that changed history - Black or White & Heal The World

Still be thinking of her... lalala...

2009-07-08T18:50:00.000+08:00

I feel like a fool. Maybe. I'm a fool for sure.

Constantly having CRAZY delusions.

In class was both fidgety and distracted.

I wish not make mistakes of dating ex-/classmates!

Fear of meeting you! Fear of touching you!

I'm crazy for you? But I don't want to!

Its a bittersweet irony, allowin you to linger in my head~

Wake up Victor, this could only be a dream.

2009-07-08T01:04:00.000+08:00

Weird dream!

Feels good to be home.

Mom's right, I'm over provided for.

Feel like FUCK cuz I got no income for sch fees, Ma had to pay! FUCK! =(

Feel addicted to blueberry waffles =DD

Donation drive (Thursday) last day. Need pack donates tonight!

Feel sore from injuries.

Feel confused bout what to wear to sch tml. Clothes all like ugly.

Feel afraid of meeting someone tml.

Feel lonely.

Anxiously sleepy.

2009-07-06T00:35:00.000+08:00

I really hate sitting in front of my computer. It has a 1001 trivial things to do on the net to kill my time and someone as undisciplined as me will get lost in the tontitude of trivial stuff.

I must unhook myself from the PC. Everything! Face book, games, everything. Even work. Especially work. Shall return to the ancient time of using books from the library! Instead of googling everything.
Convenience has made me lazy(on top of my current level of laziness).

This goes to show technology can be your best friend or worst enemy. I need to remember more things, establish better habits! Me as a person is spiralling my persona into a generally hated human being. I enjoy being liked! Who doesn't right?! My will to change has yet the strength to overcome my laziness.

I pray God gives me the strength! Strength I need to conquer my laziness! My head is full of great ideas and heart is full of concern, concern for everyone and everything.
A nightmare to admit, laziness has prevailed and stopped me from expressing my true personality. I haven't made a birthday wish yet so I WISH WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL TO BECOME A HARDWORKING PERSON. THE HARDWORKING PERSON I'M SUPPOSE TO BE! NO EXCUSES!!!
(To those who read this, pls slap me if I'm seen jacking off when I'm suppose to be working hard! Thank you!)

Ending my confesssion, watching time slip away.

2009-07-05T02:02:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really dislike myself. I'm too nice, too soft. What do I get? Stepped on, Shit on.

My karma is blind or some would refer to this as I QUOTE "God is just a baby with a rattle having his way" Its not because of some game that ticked me off, its life in general.

My best fren keeps telling me, why am I so nice? Will get shit on until I'm buried by solid waste.
I always answer her, bury then bury loh. Now I had enough. Fuck you all, I will take it all back. Since you don't appreciate me.

P.S. To the mutafarkin MUD shit noob loser no education skater who ask us to fuck off today. Pls get a life or just continue skating your loser life away. =)

(FYI-How lousy is he? Can't even tail grind. my sec sch fren can do, you how old still CMI. Keep up your progress bruda! =D)

End of venting.

2009-07-02T01:06:00.000+08:00

Awesome day!~

Went to sch, wasn't late! =)
Submit proj took a load off my shoulders! (thou still got plenty other work to do but =DD)
1st thing reach home - SLEEP!!! Putting together the past 2 nights only had like 5hrs of slp?
Woke up an hour later (bummer to my snooze) to meet the gang for dinner =DD

Was feeling good & HUNGRY! I ordered prime rib eye steak (extra cut!)
Awesome taste man but Unawesome portions. =/ Who in the WORLD (this restaurant) stinge on RICE?! Like wtc man. Unsatisfied with that! BOO you!

Movied -TRANSFORMERS!!!!! I RATE 11/10!! Omgosh, I was totally absorbed into the film!
It's so action packed that when it came to the human dialog, in my head I was like 'Faster talk finish! Faster! I wanna see Optimus!!' Hahas! Vote Movie of the YEAR! Harry Potter has to step up, or step aside =)

Signing off! Its 1.30, super duper sleepy... Gdnight ALL =)

2009-06-30T01:07:00.000+08:00

ENRIQUE IGLESIAS

"Sad Eyes"

Every day here you come walking

I hold my tongue,

I don't do much talking

You say you're happy and you're doin' fine

Well go ahead, baby, I got plenty of time

Sad eyes never lie

Well for awhile I've been watching you steady

Ain't gonna move 'til you're good and ready

You show up and then you shy away

But I know pretty soon you'll be walkin' this way

Sad eyes never lie

Baby don't you know I don't care

Don't you know that I've been there

Well if something in the air feels a little unkind

Don't worry darling, it'll slip your mind

I know you think you'd never be mine

Well that's okay, baby, I don't mind

That shy smile's sweet, that's a fact

Go ahead, I don't mind the act

Here you come all dressed up for a date

Well one more step and it'll be too late

Blue blue ribbon in your hair

Like you're so sure I'll be standing there

Sad eyes never lie

2009-06-28T02:42:00.000+08:00

~Still in upset mood~

First thing I see in my blog was the previous post!
Don't get to perform for AYG. Sigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Distract myself*
Today woke up (stoned as ever),
Drag my ass to the PC & starting work.

Few hours later kenna sidetrack by facebook. ROAR!
My friend said that I talk like a girl (its a she btw), don't care!

Lunched with my grandma & mom =D
Ate at this place in J8 specialize in chinese cuisines. (don't recall shop name)
Eat till my heart's content just to find out that the bill was WHOA!
At 1 time I had like at least 5 bucks of scallop in my mouth! and it was like tiny?
Taste was awesome! Price isn't. -,-

Went hunting for calcium shakes for my ah ma! Tell you ah... Not that I saying old people.
Sometimes they really thick skin when they know they are of elderly status.
Was funny the way she ask for stuff, even I so thick skin felt a bit erms Embarrassed.

Oh shoot must cut short, sis just came into the room to sleep.
Again wanna complain! Project take up too much personal time, suppose to go skate with lester (and melvin) but again PS him. ROAR!

Stoning while doing project, revisited my old techno songs to speeeed up my work?
Hahas songs sound all retro feeling...

Kk must stop here. Its 3am =/

Diving into bed~

2009-06-27T00:44:00.000+08:00

Few days back had to choose between completing school work or performing for AYG.

I choose to complete sch work but the thought of missing out on AYG performance is TOTALLY UPSETTING ME! Thinking about all the different people i'd meet. Sighs~

Stuck at home whole day doing projects.... Du du du du... Do till my brain falls out the back of my head. Some frens wanted to meet up but.... Gotta do project first.... This is officially the worst holiday EVER!

First week got camps (FUN!) but I sick the WHOLE TIME! Missed out a lot cuz gotta go home rest? 2nd week is this shit... More I think about more UPSET I"M!!! SHUA don't wanna think about this anymore! Gotta return to doing my work.

Keep rowing rowing rowing rowing.... YEAH~

2009-06-26T01:20:00.000+08:00

Today was a no fun day!

Missed AYG training (ps azmi, SI people disappointed
& CFM boss angry @ me & miss chance to see her)
Missed NPinline training today (ps azmi 2nd time today,
ps fren from skate camp & miss chance to see her again T.T)
ALMOST skipped out dinner with tim (feel like a super ps-er jerk)

Tim came over to watch movie while I'm hard at work.
Went for supper & slacked till 12 (soooo shouldn't have!)

Got me thinking~
Girls I was with recently are all eccentric! (Some are even scary!)
I'm very much an amateur when comes to handling people & esp women!

Anywho, back to work! Its currently 2am, signing off~

2009-06-24T07:03:00.000+08:00

Last night was a rough night, thinking about you before I slept. How have you been? Its probably your last sem in poly. Hope that your grades are good enough to go UNI, hope your FYP's going well. Hope you have been eating well, hope you have gained a bit of weight(you skinny girl D: ). Hope whoever you're with is taking good care of you, hope your cheeky brother isn't giving you trouble. Hope your family is doing well. Been thinking about a song. God please watch over her. Take care.

Rachael Yamagata - I Wish You Love

I wish you bluebirds in the spring

To give your heart a song to sing

And then a kiss, but more than this

I wish you love

And in July a lemonade

To cool you in some leafy glade

I wish you health

But more than wealth

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

2009-06-21T00:53:00.000+08:00

Today ~ Rest Day!

So didn't do much? Not!

Morning went to work, omgosh neil so cute!
(my 4yr old student) Couldn't take photo T.T;

Help my mom redeco the living room, wooT spacious!
Mom got a another piano!
Had to throw out the old one, sighs memories..

Lunched with mom & power nap till night
(feel like a pig, good life siol =D)

Night went PraWnin'!
Only caught 13 prawns but its funny to watch the girls declaw
& unhook the prawns =D

Again I still thought to myself, if laura had attitude
& confidence in her strides she would be a SEXY!~
Her body is like whoa~ already!
Guess somethings never change about her.
Still my good buddy laura =)
Girl you need to WORK IT~!

Noted something, sick for closing a month.
I feel all alright except for the hard dry coughs.
Tiny roar~

2009-06-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

Omgosh! The font so small. I almost couldn't find my testing post.. haha..

OK! My first official post, FYI credit for me starting a blog goes to LESTER!
With help from Brandy =)

Today went sliding at lester's place, fell many times without injury(Except for 1 epic butt slide which I promise you, feels like your butt is being spit apart in 2 different directions!)

My theme today~ Clumsy ~
Where to being, I've new injuries because I was clumsy!

1st self-own, trip over myself & fell (not even skating ><'')

2nd self-own, took a shortcut @ lester's house. Climbin over fence half-way my awesomely heavy bag & skates pulled me down before I can properly dismount from fence! Injury - both my knees.
After my epic embarrassing fall, walk all way to bus stop to realize I drop my phone durin fall. Thank GOD its still on pavement when i ran back for it!

Last self-own, Overslept my stop, so skate-on home. Realize when @ home I left XB's caribina at bus stop. Cannot lose it! Omg, speed skated back & crash into a wall (people walking through a tight turn didn't give way). Thank God again that its still on bus stop stone seat. Injury - long scratch on left arm & shoulder.

Total wound count - 7 wounds (some from skating earlier this week)

P.S. Hopefully I didn't type too much & you had a good laugh =)

2009-06-19T23:47:00.001+08:00

Testing Testing =)

Full-Grown-Kid

Why?

Family.

Lost in Emotion

Somethings can't be changed.

Feeling the weight.

Knowing.

ARGH!

XMAS!!!!

Misery needs company

Xmas is coming!

Rare Good Day

Finally a breakthrough!

eff me?

I'mma dick, I'mma prick, I'mma hopeless slick

WRONG AGAIN

UP in this MUTAFARKER

EXPLOSION!

Left, right, centre! (LRC)

Fine.

Masks

Chastity

ARGH! =)

@$*(@^$(*^@!!

lalala~ (=

Past

Nerdy Girl.

Tired.

Holidays!

Confused

Dazed & Confused.

Enough

Englishman In New York

One more before the exams.

Good day.

...

Daydreaming about you...

New month

Blog

Control

Left out, Misunderstood.

Frank Sinatra

Thank God.

New View

Blank~

Tears & Rain

Testing 1

@$(@^$(^@!!